Thirsty?

So, I guess it was about last summer when this whole CTTW thing "came" to me. I was leading worship at a beach retreat, and honestly, I was more concerned with how much tanning lotion to put on while I played volleyball than how many kids actually got something real out of the weekend.

I mean, I cared... I sincerely worshipped. I did my best to choose the set lists, and they responded to God in those services... It was great. But for me, something was missing.

Years before, I had been the lead singer of a rock band, and I put all I had into music. We were doing well. My wife (Alison) came to shows, and supported me in every way she knew how... The band practiced nearly every night that we weren't playing out somewhere, and when Alison became pregnant something had to change.

We eventually moved from our city apartment to live with the in-laws for a while. The band took a back-seat, lost momentum, and then just died off. I could finally focus on being a husband... a dad!

I was absolutely miserable.

Depressed, but determined to make things work, I used my "ongoing" degree in graphic design to land a marketing job at a small property development firm. My old youth pastor had also approached me about helping to lead music at a new church he was starting. At first I was happy. I had a daily routine. I had a steady paycheck. I had a new baby boy. I had a happy wife. Life was good, but before long, a sense of unfulfilled purpose began to creep in.

My routine became drudgery. I began to coast through my "responsibilities" at work just so I could get online and search for places to play music... my music. Music had to be the answer.

I was "let go" from my job, and I was not upset with that decision. Now, I could focus on music again. Alison was pregnant... again, but this time I would sell enough CDs, or play enough shows, or write a hit song... or it didn't really matter to me as long as I was playing music. So I played.

I played so much that I was "let go" from the church... (It turns out that you have to be there on Sunday mornings every now and then). I was playing, but something was missing. Alison was miserable. We couldn't afford anything. We had two kids now... Was God playing tricks on me? How could He give me this un-deniable hunger and talent for something, but make it so difficult to accomplish? It wasn't fair.

I jumped at an opportunity to lead music for a youth group... It paid. I begrudgingly accepted the "promotion" to Contemporary Worship Leader for the main church... It paid more.

Slowly, a thick, dark wool was being lifted from my eyes. It was like God was whispering to me... Patiently calling me closer to Him. I started attending a small group on Sunday mornings between sound-check and the service. I felt new... alive, but that old ball and chain (music) was still holding me back.

It was in the car on the way home from a small show in FL when it happened. God stopped whispering. The realization, like a light bulb, came on. You can't serve two masters... You must hate one and love the other. I realized that my whole life to this point had been some meaningless juggling act of searching and self-centered fulfillment. I had made music my god, and my roots never took... there was no "water" for me. So I made a decision... I would ask God for guidance, and follow His command.

A few months later, I found myself back in Florida... the beach retreat (remember?).

So, it was going well, but I could feel deep down that I wasn't quite "there" yet. God had something in store, and He was about to reveal it to me.

The theme for the weekend was "thirst". The speaker had some clever analogies to living water and the fact that an additional quality to salt was that it made people thirsty... Then he read Jeremiah 17:7-8

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

How profound! It seems so simple in hind-sight, but when a truth that can change your life is shown to you... at that moment, it's shocking. I had to tell people. Not people who were ignorant to God, but people like me. People who were searching, and helplessly digging wells with no results and striking dry dirt. I had to help draw people closer to the water.

That's my story... what's yours?

We all (Christians and non) are searching for something. Desperately trying to find purpose and most of us find nothing but one disappointment after another. Like a tree planted in the dessert, we live for only a moment, and blind to the truth, only dig deeper and deeper until we can't dig anymore.

I'm asking you now to stop digging... There's no water down there. God is here. He has purpose for each and every one of us.

This blog is an attempt to bring to light the truth that God desires for each of us to make a decision to grow in Him, and in Him alone. He is the only source of water that will never run dry.

God Bless. See you soon.